Spring! Time for Inner Renewal!
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough.” (Anonymous)
“Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.”
(H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)
Let’s talk about Springtime & Inner Renewal!
Aaaah, Spring! The season of rebirth and regrowth! The sun is shining, the flowers are beginning to bloom, the trees are covering the entire world in a blanket of pollen! Forget that last one, let’s stay positive. SPRINGTIME! Today, we’re going to talk about something that I noticed a while back, something that will help us shake off the last of those winter doldrums and start growing again… because, folks, it doesn’t happen on its own.
We all know it’s been a rough year (or couple of years) and it’s a pretty fair bet that those difficulties aren’t just going to disappear, so let’s keep in mind that our first priority is to stay healthy, both mentally and physically, and it doesn’t benefit us to accidentally trade one for the other. We want to strengthen our minds, especially our mental health, AND our bodies, and we’re going to learn some modes of thought that will help us do just that. We’re going to roll up our sleeves, and get our hands dirty… WITH GARDENING!
Now, I am NOT a gardener. I do not have a green thumb, I can’t keep a plastic plant alive, and all I have ever harvested is more dirt. My wife, on the other hand, has a greenhouse, and keeps us overwhelmingly supplied with all kinds of vegetables and herbs, so what I learned, I picked up from watching her. Besides, the goal isn’t really to get you to start gardening, but to take the lessons that we can from the practice. It’s a Metaphor, my son with a degree in English Literature informed me, and I think it’s a good one. So, let’s take a look at the Five Steps that we can use to build our perfect garden, and grow into the people we want to be. LET’S GRAB A SHOVEL AND START DIGGING, RIGHT?!
Well… no. Don’t do that. First things first, we need to take a moment and slooooooow down. Step One of getting our garden to bloom is Planning the Plot. Before we take any actions, we need to use our massive brains and figure out what we want to grow. Different plants (or attributes, remember it’s a metaphor) require different environments, with different levels of sunlight, temperatures, soil depths, all that jazz. We can’t just bury a tomato in the ground and call it a day; we need to build the kind of environment where the tomato wants to grow and thrive, and it’s the same for our mental health. We have to determine what we want to do with our efforts; gaining confidence, growing empathy, dispelling fear, finding peace, ALL of these things may require different actions or processes, and we need to build our environment around that goal. Once we’ve determined what we want to do…
Step Two! Preparing the Soil! Did you know that some plants require, like, A FOOT of soil? Sometimes more! Turns out, those raised flowerbeds my wife had me build weren’t just for show, or to keep me busy and out of trouble, but to accommodate the root systems of the stuff she wanted to grow. We figured that out during our Planning phase, though, so now is our time to put it into action. We have to make certain the environment that we’ve decided on is up to snuff, and that means doing things like managing our schedules, making time for the things we decide to do. If we’re trying to become more creative, for instance, we need to re-organize our space to allow for that; you can’t paint if the easel is surrounded by laundry. This is a great time, by the way, to declutter and clean, a perfect opportunity to get rid of the things (or people. Or influences. METAPHOR.) that we don’t need and make sure that we have the right amount of free space to grow into. Dust a bit. Take out the trash. Build back some of the good habits that we’ve put by the wayside over the winter, because we’re going to need ‘em.
Now, it’s time for Step Three, where we Plant the Seed! Whatever we’re trying to accomplish, we have to keep something critically important in mind; it’s not going to happen quickly. That means that what we want to do is something small, something that we can achieve easily and repetitively, something that won’t test our patience every time we do it; if we want to get more organized, for instance, we need start by cleaning a mirror, not necessarily go whole hog and try and re-grout the whole bathroom. WE WANT TO GO SLOW. Believe me, if you plant a kernel of corn, throw some water on it, and yell “GROW” at the dirt, it does not work. I have tried. When we plant something, we don’t just get the same thing back; we get a higher yield. One kernel means a stalk, and that stalk can grow several ears of corn. Or one vine and many tomatoes, or small simple kindnesses that cause deep, meaningful friendships. We make small changes because they’re more manageable and repeatable than big changes, and we must understand that this is a process that is going to take some time. And how do we fill that time?
Step Four, we Pull the Weeds! Gardening will take as much time as you decide to sink into it, even if it’s METAPHORICAL gardening. Once we’ve planted the seed of our small actions, we need to give it time to grow, and protect our progress from the things that threaten it. These may be old habits that we need to break, patterns and expectations that we have to put into our new context, or even relationships that may require more solid boundaries. This is the hardest part… since we’re being patient and taking our time, we have to be vigilant, and keep at it every day. Think of it as scaring away the crows! Eventually, we’ll get to the point where we can put up a guy made of sticks, but when we start, we may have to shoo some of these threats away with a broom. We also need to make sure that our growing self is getting enough sun, enough shade, enough water; I’ve had to move a greenhouse a few times, and this is no different. In our case, that means getting plenty of exercise, lots of sleep, and… enough water. That part doesn’t change, drink some water, it’s good for you. If you can do it safely, get outside, get some fresh air and sun, like we’ve discussed in previous articles. Take a walk, even if you need some allergy meds to do it.
And don’t worry about having to repeat the same actions over and over again. How you look at it, makes all the difference in the world. Helen Keller once said, “When we complain of having to do the same thing over and over, let us remember that God does not send new trees, strange flowers and different grasses every year. When the spring winds blow, they blow in the same way. In the same places the same dear blossoms lift up the same sweet faces, yet they never weary us. When it rains, it rains as it always has. Even so would the same tasks which fill our daily lives put on new meanings if we wrought them in the spirit of renewal from within – a spirit of growth and beauty.”
Finally, Step Five! Nurture that Thang! It will take a while before we see growth, and we have to remember that it’s all a part of the process, that patience is necessary and growth is gradual. Have faith in yourself! Celebrate growth when you see it, and encourage yourself for more! Going back to our organization example, by this step, you can clean more than a mirror, you can scrub the toilet, too, maybe tackle the stuff in the closet, or get those documents filed away like you’ve always wanted. Keep pushing yourself to go a little bit further every day with your small actions, just a teensy bit extra. While it’s helpful to keep track of your progress, we don’t want to set deadlines for ourselves, but goals instead. That way, when we reach them, we can pat ourselves on the back for being incredible farmers!
We can grow. We can create something magical in our lives. All it takes is the will, these steps, and plenty of time, and it’s the perfect season to start. Just watch out for the pollen, that stuff is killer.
Great article to also read is The Old Farmer’s Almanac, “Gardening is great for your health!”
Summary below shines light on abbreviated steps for any metaphoric garden:)
Step 1: MAKE A PLAN!
We must determine what we want to do with our efforts. It our goal to gain confidence, grow empathy, dispel fear, find peace? Each goal may require a different action or process.
But we first lay the groundwork by visualizing it (& drawing or writing it down just helps increase chances of success). That helps us build the environment we need for the goals we want to achieve.
Planning is a goal’s vision, written down, that
reinforces a goal.
Step 4: PULL the WEEDS! We’ve planned, prepared, planted, and now it’s time to protect from things that may threaten. These may be old habits we need to break, patterns, expectations, or even relationships that need boundaries set. This is the hardest part… since we’re being patient and taking our time, we have to be vigilant, and remove threats and blocks every day. It’s as if we’re scaring away crows wanting to ruin our garden. Make sure to get enough sun, shade, water (exercise, sleep, nutrition, water, even positive self-talk, get outside, enjoy fresh air and sun, and take a walk, even if you need allergy meds to do so. Take care of yourself by removing barriers and weeds.
Step 2: PREPARE THE SOIL!
Create environments to build strong root systems for stuff we want to grow. Now we make our plan work by managing time to ensure goal success. If painting, re-organize space so easel isn’t surrounded by laundry. Declutter, clean, dust, remove trash, get rid of stuff that distracts the mind or impedes a goal environment.
Rebuild or make new good habits that will clear the mind, prevent distractions, and inspire us to have the needed space and setup to help us reach our goals.
Step 5: NURTURE
YOUR PLANTINGS!
It takes time before growth is visible; patience is necessary; growth is gradual. Have faith in yourself! Celebrate growth when you see it and encourage yourself for more! Motivate and keep pushing yourself to go a little bit further every day with your small actions, just a teensy bit extra. While it’s helpful to keep track of your progress, we don’t want to set deadlines for ourselves, but goals instead. That way, when we reach them, we can pat ourselves on the back for being incredible farmers! Grow! Create something magical in life. You can do it!
Step 3: PLANT THE SEED!
Success rarely happens quickly! Take small steps. If
you plant a kernel of corn, throw water on it, and then yell “GROW” at the dirt, it doesn’t make it grow faster. One kernel becomes a stalk; growing into many ears of corn. Likewise, small simple kindness builds deep, meaningful friendships and relationships. Small seeds are more manageable than big ones. The process may take time, but enjoy process & results along the way!
“My clients experience changes over time in therapy, find ways to address complex issues, and begin to understand that they can learn to be confident in who they are, what they can do, and to make a plan for success. Life is about how we recover and heal that determines how effective we are in addressing life’s ups and downs. We can feel happiness, even if it is a slow process. If you need help doing addressing issues in your life, please contact my offices to schedule an appointment or to request more information” - Clifton Fuller
Clifton Fuller
LCSW, LPC, LMFT
San Antonio, TX 78248 Phone 210.970.1511
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NOTE: Clifton Fuller is licensed in Texas and provides counseling services for Texas residents.
Clifton Fuller authored the book, “Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist,” now available on Amazon.
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