Narcissism: What you Need to Know
“Not every troubled marriage is because a narcissist is hiding in the marriage.”
(Clifton Fuller)
Today, let’s talk about Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissists create surreal worlds full of constant upheaval, distrust, and destruction in order to feel powerful and control others. We must educate ourselves about the narcissistic personality so we can protect ourselves and our families from their damaging impact on our lives, our faith and our children.
Unlike fictional vampires, narcissistic vampires do exist. Most people know little about the personality or do not know about those more serious personality disorders (NPDs) until they have been bitten by one, had their life energy drained away, their reality defined by lies or twisted truths, or even became convinced they were going crazy, even though it was the narcissist creating the turbulence.
The book, “Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist”, pulls back the curtain, revealing the sources of a narcissist or an NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) seductiveness and supposed power. It exposes the narcissistic vampires for the weak people they genuinely are…as defenseless oysters who, over time, keep building layer after layer of shell to attempt to protect their internally exposed and weak egos.
Like fictional vampires, true narcissistic vampires are not what you will see when you pass a mirror with them and look at the reflection. You will see what they want you to see…they reflect what they know you want, not revealing who they really are. Narcissistic vampires have ability to con people. It’s their nature. “They easily fake empathy, compassion and any other positive trait. Unlike ordinary people, they can do it well enough and long enough to hook almost anyone. It is the key to their success, and they do it without effort. It is the way they are made. This is why we call it a disorder.” (Clifton Fuller, Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist)
A narcissist seeks self-gratification, through an idealized image of self. Vanity, egotistic admiration, inflated self-image, and a desire for constant admiration tend to be characteristics. Narcissists lack empathy or compassion for others and are often so self-absorbed that nothing else matters if it interferes with their image of self or what they want. Narcissists can become threatening or even dangerous at times. They create their own idea of who they are, even if it doesn’t really match their behaviors (such as telling lies, then saying they didn’t say what they said, or even believing or acting as if they believe, their lies. They may say something, but when confronted, will say they never said what listeners heard or simply ignore truth). It’s almost as if they say the lies often enough, others will believe the lies, and the narcissist will also convince themselves that the lies are truth. We know repeated lies do not become truth; a narcissist doesn’t. Narcissists won’t accept responsibility for their behaviors but will happily place blame at the feet of another person.
Narcissists are especially effective at using the values of a person in order to manipulate them into doing what the NPD wants, even if goes against that person’s inner value system. They are especially effective at using Biblical verses, twisting the meanings, and pressuring women of faith to do what the narcissist wants. They can convince a person not to trust themselves, their close friends or family, or their support groups.
The name “narcissist” originated from Greek mythology legends, where an extraordinarily handsome young man, named Narcissus, fell in love with his own image when he saw it reflected in a pool of water. He was so drawn to the image that he could not leave the reflection. He starved as he stared into the reflected water, and his life slowly faded away, while he continued to gaze at himself and what he saw as his perfection.
We all have varying degrees of selfishness, rationalize our behaviors, try to avoid being ‘wrong’ or having unacceptable behaviors. However, not all people who are egotistical are narcissists. Some may have great confidence, but also support and care about others. Self-care is not narcissism, as long as caring for yourself doesn’t exclude care of and respect toward others. What matters is the intensity, or degree, in which certain traits are present.
Narcissism, as a pathological self-absorption characteristic, was first identified as a disorder in 1898 by Havelock Ellis and written about in psychological reports, including Freud's ‘On Narcissism’.
The APA (American Psychiatric Association) first listed the classification narcissistic personality disorder in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1968 and included the term megalomania.
It’s important to educate ourselves, but also for parents to teach, and protect, their children from a narcissist. It is important to identify potential dangers, navigate traps and manipulations, and build a plan of action, no matter what decisions one makes about their contact with a narcissist. You are not the problem. It’s vital to see yourself as God sees you, not as the narcissist tells you are.
“But wait! Back up! Look at the seventh trait in the list of traits of a narcissist. [In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders} It’s empathy! Empathy is an essential trait that narcissistic vampires lack. Empathy is the ability to understand how others feel, respond to what is happening to them and what they need. Empathy is the opposite of selfishness.”
”Narcissists are the ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’ that the Bible repeatedly warns us about.” (“Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist”)
Scan above QR code for more information on ”Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist” or to purchase Kindle or paperback. (or visit Amazon.com/
author/CliftonFuller)
“Without empathy, you cannot love your neighbor, enemy, or wife. A vampire does not understand these concepts, no matter how charming they may be. Charm is not the same as love; charm is public relations. It is presentation and spin. Vampires are charming but not loving…You can go to charm school, but there is no empathy school.” (“Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist”
“He will deny them, but a narcissist’s characteristics will show up in his behavior…I tell clients to see the patterns. For example, if you have a shell, four legs and can quickly pull your body into that shell, you are a turtle. If you are a turtle with specific markings, such as a pointy nose and mean disposition, you are a snapping turtle. Recognize a narcissist when he shows you who he is.”
(“Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist”)
“My clients experience changes over time in therapy, find ways to address complex issues, and begin to understand that they can learn to be confident in who they are, what they can do, and to make a plan for success. Life is about how we recover and heal that determines how effective we are in addressing life’s ups and downs. We can feel happiness, even if it is a slow process. If you need help doing addressing issues in your life, please contact my offices to schedule an appointment or to request more information” - Clifton Fuller
Clifton Fuller
LCSW, LPC, LMFT
San Antonio, TX 78248 Phone 210.970.1511
HIPAA-Compliant tele-counseling video sessions available. Easily schedule sessions 24/7 online.
New Clients: Click HERE to register Current Clients: Click HERE & schedule
NOTE: Clifton Fuller is licensed in Texas and provides counseling services for Texas residents.
Clifton Fuller authored the book, “Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist,” now available on Amazon.
Copyright 2020. Permission to reprint and share his information is permitted if shared in its entirety, (without editing or revision) for personal, educational or mental health information. Contact our offices for permission regarding the use of sections in the article. Information contained in this article and any other resources on this website are for educational and informational purposes only and are not intended as health, mental health or medical advice. Always consult a physician, mental health other qualified health providers health provider regarding any questions you have about medical, mental health or health objectives.
Copyright 2020
