Developing Attitudes of Gratitude
“Gratitude is one of the most medicinal emotions we can feel. It elevates our moods and fills us with joy." (Sara Avant Stover)
Paying attention to an essential and often overlooked component of a happy life is important. What’s the often-missing component?
It’s Gratitude! Gratitude is the component!
As a concept, Gratitude is the subject of many self-help books, and for an important reason. Practicing an “attitude of gratitude” essentially rewires the brain.
It is the true power of positive thinking. It is an incredible aspect of the human condition. We can consciously change our brain chemistry and improve our psychological and physical health. Now, before you blow this off as some hippy-dippy feel-good wishful thinking, trust us, IT IS NOT.
This article is not some admonition scolding you because “positive thinking” will fix all your problems. It won’t, and we’re not saying, “You are not thankful enough,” we can’t know your situation or what is necessary to fix the problems you encounter. However, shaking up your paradigm, or “the way you think about life, the universe, and everything else,” can be a powerful tool in taking the steps necessary to improve your health and life in general.
Gratitude is the quality of being thankful, being ready to show appreciation for, and returning kindness. Living with gratitude means focusing your time and attention on things to be thankful for rather than searching for, focusing on, or seeking fault. It’s the opposite of maintaining anger, fear, or dwelling on the negative. While mindfulness of the negative can be necessary for the purposes of seeking improvement, focusing exclusively on the negative can (and will) lead to darker feelings like depression, anger, and hatred. Mindfully practicing gratitude boosts mood, improves health, and bolsters relationships. Negativism will weigh the body down and cause sleep disruption, racing thoughts, anxiety, ulcers, and high blood pressure. Positivity will help create happiness, better health, and better sleep patterns, serving as encouragement to us and others. Happy people attract others. Negative people tend to repel other people.
Gratitude does this by rewiring the brain. Contemplating what you are grateful for fosters cognitive restructuring, how you conceptualize your life, what happens to you, and your interactions with the world. Our ability to learn is based on the context of what we have learned before. Gratitude provides a context to evaluate our resources to solve our problems. Gratitude enhances dopamine and serotonin, happiness neurotransmitters in the brain. Gratitude also has the added benefit of helping regulate stress hormones, thereby helping us to control fear and anxiety.
Consider how a small slight can negatively impact your whole day. Now, that’s a normal stress response. That’s “The Standard,” how our brains are programmed to react to negative stimuli. We have to train our brains to do the same for positive stimuli. What if we gave more attention to the good things that happened during our day? Affirm the good things you receive. Acknowledge the role that other people play in bringing good into your life. Gratitude is a conscious decision that can become an unconscious part of our lives with enough practice, like learning to ride a bike or drive a car. Initially, you may have to list the things you are grateful for, consciously reminding yourself to be mindful of the good. With practice, gratitude can become second nature, it will become easier the more we practice gratitude to begin to rewire the brain and to be thankful, and it will help a TON.
It will not, however, fix your problems. It will help you push through the negative stress as YOU fix your problems. Gratitude can help bring comfort, a chance to recenter and refocus your efforts, and reasons to keep fighting. Gratitude is a tool for self-improvement, more than a magic trick.
Other benefits of gratitude include strengthening the immune system, improving sleep patterns, feeling optimistic and experiencing more joy and pleasure, being more helpful and generous, and feeling less lonely and isolated. Gratitude helps foster empathy, strengthening your ability to relate to others. Being aware of the good things can help you not take those good things for granted. Gratitude is the opposite of resentment.
So how do you practice gratitude? It’s actually really easy! We’ve included many examples below; you don’t have to follow every gratitude suggestion. Find what works for you, whatever you can do consistently daily, and then… well, do it.
Keep a gratitude journal. When journaling, be specific. Observe and be mindful of your world. How often do you express thankfulness? Do you feel appreciation, or are you just going through the motions? Take the extra time to let your mind acknowledge gratitude. Or maybe you would instead write thank you notes. Being active and specific in thanking others can mean the world to them.
Remember the bad. Remember how far you’ve come. It is essential to acknowledge the negative and the good ways in which things have changed. Maybe you were in a bad relationship, and you finally got out. Don’t forget to be grateful to yourself and appreciate your strengths. Don’t beat yourself up for the errors of the past. Appreciate what you have learned and the character qualities you have developed. Thank the people who helped you along the way.
Use sensory reminders to cue gratitude. Does a particular image evoke feelings of gratitude? Keep that image close at hand. Do certain smells make you feel happy? Surround yourself with those smells. Savor your environment. If you find your environment hard to savor, change it! The change doesn’t even have to be big; it can be as simple as taking time to look at nature. Check out those trees; look at how the light tracks through the leaves. Isn’t that cool? Doesn’t the sun feel nice? Doesn’t it feel GREAT to get back inside in the cool shade? The fan is AMAZING, and you can rejoice in the feeling of the air dancing on your skin. Maybe you feel more content when holding a hot beverage, the smell, the steam, and the mug’s warmth. Do that. Create little moments of joy in your day, and you can learn.
Watch how you talk about your life and others. Are you taking time to acknowledge the good? Share your gratitude with others. Saying a simple “thank you” can brighten someone else’s day. Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. That is a gift you can give.
You can also fake it until you make it. Go through the motions of expressing gratitude. Tell people thank you when they do something for you. Remind yourself of the good. Even if you don’t feel it, practicing the motions of gratitude will evoke those feelings in the longer term.
Think outside the box. You can have gratitude for weird things. Maybe you appreciate the spider in the corner for catching that roach. Perhaps you like the way that color looks great on you. You can also find out-of-the-box ways to express your gratitude. Please don’t limit yourself because of convention… your life experience is unique, and it’s good to be grateful for things nobody else does.
Meditate on gratitude. Our actions and words reflect how we think about the world. When we keep thankfulness in the forefront of our minds, we feel happier and have an easier time sharing that happiness with others. Do not wait to just mindlessly feel gratitude. Having gratitude requires us to be active in being mindful of the world around us.
Seek inspiration. Maybe you’re having a particularly rough time, and it’s hard to feel gratitude. Actively seek out the good. Look up feel-good stories or reach out to a friend. Value your friendships and other connections.
Not every burden is yours to bear. Pick your battles… and if possible, put a few back on the shelf. It is easier to practice and experience the benefits of gratitude if you have taken the necessary steps to take care of yourself. You cannot help others if you do not help yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Get some sleep, find something enjoyable to be thankful for, and be kind to yourself. Be grateful for who you have fought so hard to become.
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." (Epictetus)
“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it." (Ralph Marston)
"Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart" (song by Henry Smith)
“It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness.” (Anonymous)
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough." (Aesop)
“When gratitude becomes an essential foundation in our lives, miracles start to appear everywhere." (Emmanuel Dalgher)
“Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it grows and the more power you have to use it on your behalf. If you do not practice gratefulness, its benefaction will go unnoticed, and your capacity to draw on its gifts will be diminished. To be grateful is to find blessings in everything. This is the most powerful attitude to adopt, for there are blessings in everything." (Alan Cohen)
“As a counselor, social worker, and marriage and family therapist, my licenses allow me to help Texas residents with issues interfering in life and relationships. My clients experience changes over time in therapy, not just in addressing life changes and decisions but in understanding that they can be confident in who they are, what they can do, and how to make a plan for success.
Register & schedule for mental health counseling via our home page.)
As a certified Life Coach, I also work with clients (worldwide) to attain personal or work-related goals and live more peaceful and satisfying lives. Please contact my offices at 210-970-1511 for information about scheduling Life Coaching appointments.” - Clifton Fuller.
Read more about the difference between Counseling and Life Coaching Here.
Note: Clifton is the author of “The Marriage Vampire” (dealing with narcissistic personalities), now available on Amazon.
Clifton Fuller
LCSW, LPC, LMFT
