What Does “Catfishing” Mean?
“Catfishing” refers to a 'person who lures another person into a relationship with a fictional online persona’.
National Catfish Month arrives yearly in August, and it's a great time to spread awareness about the positive impacts that simply relaxing, doing what we enjoy, and being out in nature can have on our physical and mental health. For all the fishermen and women out there, it’s a great excuse, uhhh…reason, to get outdoors, pack a picnic lunch, throw a baited hook in the water, relax, and then, to top it all off, bring home an ice chest full of fresh catfish for supper!
For all non-fisher types, it’s simply a wonderful opportunity to go outdoors, walk, take time to slow down a bit and search for beauty in the world surrounding us. You can still pack that picnic lunch and head out for a hike at your favorite state park, in your neighborhood or city, and have that picnic under a big tree. It’s a good time to renew and refresh.
But there's another side to 'Catfishing' that isn’t so positive. It's sinister and deceptive.
“Catfishing” is when a 'person lures another person into a relationship by using a fictional online persona.’
‘Catfishers’ are predatory people lying about who they are in order to trap another person into a relationship or take advantage of them in some way. It can be a personal relationship, a business relationship, a leadership relationship the catfish is trying to obtain, or a financial relationship that benefits the catfish and harms the other person.
Catfishing is not limited to deception online but can also be done in person, directly to your face. Narcissists are catfishers.
That kind of catfishing is trickery at its murkiest, darkest level and always has dangerous repercussions.
Catfishing is seen in spam calls, emails, or online internet social media contacts, where it is rampant and has become quite sophisticated. It’s in political circles. Lying on resumes and acting as if that’s ‘normal’ and everyone does it, which is a lie. It comes from other nations, even to the extent of destabilizing countries by feeding misinformation. There are entire communities of catfishers whose income relies solely on scamming and spamming others.
Catfishers are those people who make calls in the early hours of the morning, awakening a sleepy person (the ‘target,’ and often elderly) with messages supposedly indicating that a beloved family member is in serious peril. The catfish caller alone can “save the day if you immediately wire us all your life’s savings.”
Catfishers are those ‘celebrities’ who contact you online, who know just their name and image will generate interest from their targets, who know you alone can understand how lonely they are, how special you are, and how you are a one-of-a-kind person that they’ve taken a liking to as they’ve researched you.
Catfishers are also those narcissists who look perfect but, once caught, begin peeling off their masks, revealing and exposing who they truly are as they start attacking you mentally, emotionally, and even sometimes physically.
Don’t be deceived. The catfishers do their homework, find everything they can about their targets, use the internet (& even friends, associates, and family) to research you, and devise the most effective plans to entangle you in their traps. They also know how to skirt the laws. They've learned or been taught how to 'twist' the rules, or your values, to their advantage so they can reel in their catches.
That's the kind of catfish you never want to be caught by or to catch!
For those who have a religious belief system, deceit is not a positive character attribute but instead indicates weakness. For Christians, the Bible is very clear about deception. God hates a lying tongue and false witnesses (Proverbs 6:17-19), false oaths (Zechariah 8:17), and lying lips (Proverbs 12:22). God instructs Christians not to lie and to instead be truthful (Ephesians 4:22-25); to stop deceiving others and to imitate Christ (I Peter 2:1). For Jewish followers, Deuteronomy 19:16-21 says false witnesses should receive the same punishment they sought to meet out on the unjustly accused. In Leviticus 19:11, Jews are told, “You shall not steal; neither shall you deal falsely, nor lie one to another.” For Muslims, the Quran (16.105) says, “Only they forge the lie who do not believe in Allah’s communications, and these are the liars.”
When those professing to follow a faith model or religion don’t follow the teachings in which they profess to believe, it causes others to perceive them as being deceptive in what they say or do versus what they teach. This happens in all religions, groups, OR individuals because we are human. What’s important to understand is that it’s the behaviors that really matter! All religions teach followers to discipline thoughts in order to control actions. That is harder than it seems and easier said than done, but we can all learn greater discipline once we understand ALL our actions will always have a ripple effect and impact others. This is true whether we follow a particular religious belief or not. Actions do speak louder than words.
We must also be as “as wise as serpents, yet harmless as doves.” That includes educating ourselves, recognizing there are ‘catfishers’ out there whose goal is to take advantage of us or others, and taking actions that we can in order to protect each other.
At the same time, it’s so important that we also focus on seeing all the good that exists in our world and in humanity! That helps our mental health stay strong!
Who knows? Now may just happen to be the time to reel in those deceptive catfish, or it may be the time to walk (or run) away from the bait they are dangling in front of you.
If you or a person you know or love has been ‘catfished,’ don’t be ashamed, as that plays into the hands of the catfisher. Their intent is to deceive and humiliate you. It makes them feel powerful. Don’t give them that satisfaction.
Remove yourself from the catfisher’s influence. Seek help from family, friends, a support group, professional help, or from the resources you find below.
Below are some resources that may help:
How to Donate Wisely and Avoid Charity Scams | Consumer Advice (ftc.gov)
Stop Unwanted Robocalls and Texts | Federal Communications Commission (fcc.gov)
Complain about phone and text scams, robocalls, and telemarketers | USAGov
Phishing: Spot and report scam emails, texts, websites and... - NCSC.GOV.UK
How to stay safe on social media – Amnesty International Australia
Social Media and Teen Mental Health - The Annie E. Casey Foundation (aecf.org)
What Is Pathological Lying, and Can It Be Treated? (webmd.com)
10 Pathological Liar Signs and How to Cope | Newport Institute
“A lie does not consist in the indirect position of words, but in the desire and intention, by false speaking, to deceive and injure your neighbour.” (Jonathan Swift)
“The manipulator’s motto is ‘If you can’t win by the rules, change the rules.” “The most dangerous kind of person is the one who makes you feel as if they have your best interests at heart, all the while they’re secretly trying to undermine you.” (Unknown)
“Liars, deceivers, and cheaters do so by making a choice to do so.
Once a lie has been told, a person has cheated, or a deception has been devised or done, it forever becomes a juggling act to keep building lies to cover the first deceptive action. Deception’s goal is to create chaos and confusion in the minds of those being misled.
It’s so much better and makes life so much easier, just to be honest, right from the beginning.”
(Clifton Fuller)
Catfishing is all about the deception of a targeted person or group. It is seen in spam calls, emails, or online social media contacts, where it is rampant and has become quite sophisticated.
It is often online but may also be in-person when one person deceives another individual or a group of people they know.
But it is always deceptive and manipulative.
#NationalCatfishMonth #MentalHealthMatters #ReachOutForHelp #LifeCoach #Relationships #Catfishing #Counseling #Deception #Narcissism
“As a counselor, social worker, and marriage and family therapist, I provide counseling for Texas residents experiencing issues interfering in life, related to mental health care. Counseling may include a diagnosis and be covered by insurance. Register & schedule for counseling here on our counseling site.
As a certified Life Coach, I coach individuals, professionals, and small business owners worldwide, seeking to attain personal or work-related goals for happier and more productive lives. Please visit Embracing A Fuller Life site for info and scheduling or contact my offices at 210-970-1511.”
Read more about the difference between Counseling and Life Coaching Here.
Note: Clifton is the author of “The Marriage Vampire” (women in relationships with narcissistic partners) available on Amazon. Additional upcoming publications (available 9/15/23) will include: “Narcissistic Personalities: When Dreams Become Nightmares” and “The Gratitude Journal”.
Clifton Fuller
LCSW, LPC, LMFT
