Positivity Changes Lives
Let’s talk about some reasons it’s smart to choose optimism over negativity.
We have all heard the old question: “Is the glass half empty or half full?”
How you answer will determine your attitude in life. Logically, our answer does not change the amount of water in the glass, but it does change us.
Optimism (positivity) is hopefulness and confidence about the future or a successful outcome.
Various research tells us that optimistic people are happier and live longer. They have more energy. They have happier relationships. They wake up every morning looking forward with excitement to the opportunities of the new day. They focus on what they see as good and positive rather than negatives. They tend to have better immunity, less stress, lessen depression, help develop stronger coping skills, and increase greater resilience.
It does not mean they don’t see bad or negative things or have a ‘Pollyanna’ mentality. It means they will find positive solutions to address even negative issues. Positivity isn’t ignoring the negative. It’s finding solutions to overcome it. It doesn’t mean ignoring reality or sticking heads in the sand like an ostrich, but it means facing obstacles head-on with a positive approach to challenges, looking for support and resources we may need. Some positive people even see roadblocks as simple ‘opportunity hurdles’ that make them stronger.
What can you do if you see the glass half full? Are you going to have a shorter, more miserable life? Not at all because we CAN change the way we think! Because our brains are moldable, they change physically when we change the way we think and behave.
The world does not run on facts. It runs on thoughts.
If we think there's a mountain lion in the hall, we won't go out there. If we think it's safe, we will. If we think we have enough gas, we keep on driving. If we think the water is deep enough, we jump into it.
We can decide to think in positive terms and train ourselves by consistently doing the same thing over and over again. It becomes a habit of thought. It changes our brain. We can create focused success rather than focused failure.
As a child, I lived in a small town where the school had less than 100 students. Everybody knew everybody. I was overweight in junior high and the first two years of high school. My nickname was "Fat Boy!" I was too big and slow to play any sport well enough to get into the game. I always 'rode the bench.’ I was always embarrassed about my weight, but I accepted that this was my life. When people tried to get me to lose weight, or I was forced to go on a diet, for 'some' reason, these attempts would always fail. One day, when I was 16 years old, I was combing my hair, and I noticed the muscles in my arms and shoulders were moving. I could see some flexing muscles! I had a radical thought, and that thought changed my life.
I realized I was not a fat boy; I was a boy with fat. Underneath my layer of fat was a normal body. I decided to begin to eat less. I began to exercise. And I began to lose weight.
This occurred the last month of my sophomore year. By the time summer was over and school had begun again in my junior year, I had lost 30 pounds. This changed my life. I became a starter on the football team, I caught the attention of my first girlfriend, and my nickname changed from “Fat Boy!” to "Fuller!”
I expanded this positive attitude to other aspects of my life.
I decided I was an intelligent person who had a wrong answer, not an idiot. I was dyslexic, not stupid, and could learn to overcome any learning disability thrown my way. I was a capable person who didn't know how to fix a copier, a worthy person who made mistakes. I've changed my internal thoughts about myself. I now believe these things about myself and believe these things about others. When you look for the positive, you will find it!
Let’s be realistic. We are not delusional. We know we can't jump off a 10-story building and hope things go well. Sometimes we need to address habits, actions, or thoughts to correct issues, beliefs, or harmful behaviors. Coming to those conclusions to address those things can be a sign of strength and a positive step forward.
We can all be as objective as possible, but when we must guess one way over the other, I always think that I will win, making my life much happier, much less worrisome, and less anxious. If I don’t win every time, that’s OK…I just move on in life. Anxiety, worry, and negative thoughts are heavy, and unnecessary, burdens that we carry like a sack of rocks on our backs. It’s no wonder that it affects us mentally and physically. It’s no wonder we feel lighter, are able to move faster, and feel free when we get rid of those added weights.
Each day becomes a welcome blessing rather than a burden. Positivity brings joy to life.
“Guessing” we will eventually have a loss is much less fun and is exhausting. If we're going to think anyway, let's go positive! I’ve known people who spent their entire lives fearing a depression that never came, fearing wars that never happened, and fearing circumstances that never occurred. If those things happen, we deal with them. Doesn’t mean we don’t prepare for bad weather, but it means the obsession with it doesn’t capture every moment of our life. Instead, we choose to find solutions, enjoy life, daily living, and its opportunities.
Many people will ask, “What if you're wrong?”
Ask them, “Well, what if I’m right?!”
When you make a plan, make the best plan you can and see if it works. Adjust it rather than beat yourself up about it if it doesn't work out as you anticipated. Learn from it and move forward. Remember, investors, writers, and all successful people had losses and successes in their life’s journey.
Most ego defenses are designed to protect us from reality. But one great thing, called “anticipation!”, helps us look forward to future rewards. It could be looking forward to graduation, to the weekend, a good book, or a vacation. There are many great things to look forward to, even if they are simple things.
We could have a much more positive life if we look for the good in people, the beauty in nature, and the rainbow in the clouds.
We can also remind ourselves of all the times we have good things happen to us.
What you look for is usually what you get.
Remember all the times we were lucky and all the good things that happened.
Say what you hope will happen out loud.
Write down your goals! Look at them every day to remind yourself about what you hope happens.
Decide you will look on the bright side of life.
Complement others, overlooking the annoying things they do & instead of seeing their goodness.
Be an “encouragement fairy”, smile, say hello. Smiles are contagious. So are frowns. Which do you want to spread, and which would you prefer to see?
Notice what people are doing well.
Say thank you!
Praise what you like.
Embrace life! My wife has a plaque in our kitchen, “Life is better when you are laughing!” A similar thought could be as valuable that “Life is better when you look for the good in it!”
Positivity helps you improve your own life. You also spread joy to others who look forward to being around you and your positive attitude, as it also cheers them up and inspires them.
Why do you think sports teams want to play at home? They love the energy of spectator fans who want to see them win. Cheerleaders don't face the team; they face the crowd. As a football player, I never heard a cheerleader, but I sure heard the crowds cheering.
Why do musicians, singers, or churches want people to attend in person? The energy is contagious, inspires, and lifts the spirits of those sharing the experience together.
Optimism is contagious! Spread it around. Let's inspire ourselves and inspire others.
If we win, that’s great. If we don't, there's always next time.
Shoot for the moon! Even if you don't hit it, you'll end up further down the road.
Studies on positivity and life:
PNAS: Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (Article: Optimism is associated with exceptional longevity in 2 epidemiologic cohorts of men and women)
Science Direct (Article: Optimism and immunity)
Clinical Practice and Epidemiology in Mental Health (Article: Optimism and its impact on mental and physical well-being)
NIH (National Institute of Health) Article: What good are positive emotions in crises? A prospective study of resilience and emotions following terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2002, NIH.gov)
“Being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative. There’s a big difference between the two.”
(Marc and Angel)
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”
(Oprah Winfrey)
Be objective, but when we must ‘guess’ to choose one way over the other to focus, I always choose to think I will be successful rather than choosing to think I will lose.
(Clifton Fuller)
“I help people address changes in the lives, put things into perspective, and find solutions, even in difficult situations.
I tell them not to give up. My clients experience changes over time in therapy and begin to understand that they can learn to be confident in who they are, what they can do, and to make a plan for success. We all experience failure, loss and disappointment at some point in our lives. But it’s how we recover and heal that determines how effective we are in addressing our life most effectively. If I can be of help in addressing challenges you are experiencing today, please contact my offices to schedule an appointment or for more information” - Clifton Fuller
Clifton Fuller
LCSW, LPC, LMFT
San Antonio, TX 78248 Phone 210.970.1511
HIPAA-Compliant tele-counseling video sessions available. Easily schedule sessions 24/7 online.
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NOTE: Clifton Fuller is licensed in Texas and provides counseling services for Texas residents.
Clifton Fuller authored the book, “Marriage Vampire: Living with a Narcissist,” now available on Amazon.
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